Are you sitting down? You and I need to have a little talk. I’m telling you though, it’s going to be a bit one-sided because I’ve already made my decision and I am standing by it.
As much as I would like to say that it’s me and not you, I really can’t. Because it is you. But it’s not that it’s a fault really, because that’s the way your life’s going. I may not have known it the moment you picked me, but time has proven that your life demands so much more than I can give. And that’s okay. You need to move on and it’s not my place to stop you, so I’m doing this now rather than later, when something more important than what we’re about to lose now will have been lost. At least now you still have time to take your memories before they’re lost with me forever. I sincerely hope that whoever you carry around in your arms next will be able to take care of them better.
Three years—that’s more than most people have in a lifetime. I have no regrets, and neither should you. I do believe that the middle of summer is the perfect time for me to do this, when you have neither the needs nor demands you have the rest of the year, and you have all the time to adjust and to find new (or perhaps to rediscover old) things to do. Heck, you can even find someone new. We both knew from the start that replacing me is an inevitability, and one that’s hastened by this farewell. I just hope that your next one will be able to deal with you and the forthcoming changes in your life, memory- and speed-wise. And I hope they can run The Sims 3 too, because I know you’ve been itching to play it ever since you heard it was being developed. The seamless neighborhoods and new character traits do sound extra fun to play with.
♥,
Your nameless laptop
Monday, April 26, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Post-grad and the last two episodes of Ugly Betty
1. I'm a person with an annoying self-awareness--I feel like a walking, talking postmodern piece work 99% of the time. You would think that having just graduated, I would be scrambling to write something about the past four years. Those were, after all, supposedly the best years of my life. But I really haven't got much to say; at least, not much that I would care to admit out loud.
2. Okay, so if I wasn't so neurotic and had no sense of what is socially appropriate, I would have too many blog entries about Ugly Betty than you would care to read about.
Not to sound like a total ugly betty about it (in the super cheesy, annoyingly positive sense of the term), I believe it's because I strongly relate to what she had gone through in four seasons what I had experienced in my four years in college. It might sound a tad bit superficial, but I learned the importance of appearances. And if you knew me personally, you would know that this would be the last thing that I would care to admit. I am a fairly simple girl who would rather spend nights up reading or listening to music or analyzing TV shows and movies than, say, slutting it up in some party where everyone seems to know everyone, and they all have nothing better to do than talk about everyone else while getting bombed and using it as an excuse to justify acting like whores (and I say this for both men and women).* But I digress. Anyway, I guess while watching it during these past four years I saw the progression of my values and personality during college. While I had always held the same beliefs, it was college that provided me with the platform to actualize them, to actively choose instead of passively believing. It was like all those discussions in Philosophy of Ethics class: it was freedom to choose otherwise that made the value, well, valuable. And the thing is, I have always been a lover of beauty--it was just that I always (1) found it inconvenient to try to look, at the very least, halfway decent, and (2) I always believed it a betrayal of my disdain of the too-high premium society places on appearances to even try. But I guess at some point I stopped hating (okay, not stopped, my amount of hate lessened remarkably as my understanding grew) and just started doing my own thing, regardless of what I hated about society. I realized that, in a way, going against something because you believe that other people are doing it for the wrong things is just as ill-informed as blindly doing something because it's what everybody else is doing. ANO DAW. Hahahaha. Ang ibig ko lang sabihin, I have let myself indulge in a little vanity. I'm already emotionally unavailable, I can at least look, uh, socially inviting.
*I mean, seriously, why else would you get bombed and start dancing with some random dude/chick in a bar? Because the girl respected you and liked you for who you were and not because they were drunk and craving your approval? Because the guy respected you and liked you for who you were and not your exposed cleavage, legs, and ass? I don't have that much faith in humanity.
Oh, and last and hopefully least,
3. I have my very own Henry, who keeps on reeling me back in after I've already escaped into the ocean. But as always, I try to get off his hook and swim as fast as I can in the opposite direction.
Oddly, he has a way of popping back up into my life (literally--though Facebook chat or YM) during nights when I remember him. Last night, as I was watching S04E19, all I could think of (besides how hot Daniel, Tyler, and Henry were--okay pati si Betty, because I'm gay like that haha) was how I would react in the same situation: what if "Henry" had become available, and he would be given a chance to have a permanent place in my life again, and not just a haunting spectre of the past occasionally popping into my life through instant message? Pero ayoko. Ayokong bumalik. Gusto ko lang ipagpatuloy ang paglalakad palayo, kahit minsan di ko mapigilang tumalikod at maglakad pabalik para malapitan ng kaunti ang pamilyar. Kailangan lang, alam kong panandalian lang dapat ang paglapit na iyon, at kailangang bumalik ako sa totoo kong direksiyon.
2. Okay, so if I wasn't so neurotic and had no sense of what is socially appropriate, I would have too many blog entries about Ugly Betty than you would care to read about.
Not to sound like a total ugly betty about it (in the super cheesy, annoyingly positive sense of the term), I believe it's because I strongly relate to what she had gone through in four seasons what I had experienced in my four years in college. It might sound a tad bit superficial, but I learned the importance of appearances. And if you knew me personally, you would know that this would be the last thing that I would care to admit. I am a fairly simple girl who would rather spend nights up reading or listening to music or analyzing TV shows and movies than, say, slutting it up in some party where everyone seems to know everyone, and they all have nothing better to do than talk about everyone else while getting bombed and using it as an excuse to justify acting like whores (and I say this for both men and women).* But I digress. Anyway, I guess while watching it during these past four years I saw the progression of my values and personality during college. While I had always held the same beliefs, it was college that provided me with the platform to actualize them, to actively choose instead of passively believing. It was like all those discussions in Philosophy of Ethics class: it was freedom to choose otherwise that made the value, well, valuable. And the thing is, I have always been a lover of beauty--it was just that I always (1) found it inconvenient to try to look, at the very least, halfway decent, and (2) I always believed it a betrayal of my disdain of the too-high premium society places on appearances to even try. But I guess at some point I stopped hating (okay, not stopped, my amount of hate lessened remarkably as my understanding grew) and just started doing my own thing, regardless of what I hated about society. I realized that, in a way, going against something because you believe that other people are doing it for the wrong things is just as ill-informed as blindly doing something because it's what everybody else is doing. ANO DAW. Hahahaha. Ang ibig ko lang sabihin, I have let myself indulge in a little vanity. I'm already emotionally unavailable, I can at least look, uh, socially inviting.
*I mean, seriously, why else would you get bombed and start dancing with some random dude/chick in a bar? Because the girl respected you and liked you for who you were and not because they were drunk and craving your approval? Because the guy respected you and liked you for who you were and not your exposed cleavage, legs, and ass? I don't have that much faith in humanity.
Oh, and last and hopefully least,
3. I have my very own Henry, who keeps on reeling me back in after I've already escaped into the ocean. But as always, I try to get off his hook and swim as fast as I can in the opposite direction.
Oddly, he has a way of popping back up into my life (literally--though Facebook chat or YM) during nights when I remember him. Last night, as I was watching S04E19, all I could think of (besides how hot Daniel, Tyler, and Henry were--okay pati si Betty, because I'm gay like that haha) was how I would react in the same situation: what if "Henry" had become available, and he would be given a chance to have a permanent place in my life again, and not just a haunting spectre of the past occasionally popping into my life through instant message? Pero ayoko. Ayokong bumalik. Gusto ko lang ipagpatuloy ang paglalakad palayo, kahit minsan di ko mapigilang tumalikod at maglakad pabalik para malapitan ng kaunti ang pamilyar. Kailangan lang, alam kong panandalian lang dapat ang paglapit na iyon, at kailangang bumalik ako sa totoo kong direksiyon.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Self-pepping
1. It's weird--I'm still not 100% sold that I want to become a lawyer (heck, I'm not even 50% sold on the idea), but I'm pretty sure I want to go to law school. I know it'll be good for me. I'm sure the people will be amazing and the environment will be refreshingly challenging.
2. It still completely baffles me how I got into UP, given that my grades are, without exaggeration, abysmal. But I guess it's a pretty good mystery to be involved in.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
I am supposed to be making a paper. Naturally, I am blogging.
1. Sometimes I wonder why people go to great lengths engaged in these (figurative) social dances when one (or both) could just plainly put forward the proposition and consequently get together or move on. But then I remember love isn't a business deal and ironically, I'm being too pragmatic to be realistic.
2. I sort of miss having as much to say as I did when I was a little younger, but now I find that such long things were written more out of vanity than insight. This, for example, is starting to feel self-indulgent.
2. I sort of miss having as much to say as I did when I was a little younger, but now I find that such long things were written more out of vanity than insight. This, for example, is starting to feel self-indulgent.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Whatever anchor tethered me to sanity seems to be loose.
I always maintained that it was because I like too many things that no one "got" me. It's like my blabbering is the figurative drill to the head to relieve the intercranial pressure caused by my wanting to talk about too many things much more often than normal social contact would permit. Hopefully, starting to blog again would help with that. Otherwise it's just more blackmail material.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Just like what the therapist told House in S06E03
Maybe the only thing worse than doing it would be not doing it.
So hello again, blogging world. I implore you to welcome me back with semi-open arms.
So hello again, blogging world. I implore you to welcome me back with semi-open arms.
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